Happy Gudi Padwa! errr... New Years!!!

Every year Jenn comes up with a set of novel, measurable, and achievable New Years resolutions that she labors over before finally picking one or two that she commits to following for the next year. Some examples include planting an herb garden and catching, killing, cleaning, and cooking a fish. They are invariably positive, challenging her to grow in some way rather than being restrictive and unpleasant (like losing weight). When you consider that she starts with a list of smart goals and that she can be quite determined, it is no surprise that she nearly always achieves her goals.

I normally just try to be funny or vague. I think this is a throwback to my childhood when we would abstain from things during Lent. I was great at denying myself cabbage and premarital sex (I was only 9). Neither did I smoke or over fish cod in the northern Atlantic.

You probably didn't notice (nobody else did) that last year I resolved to be sexier. The year before I resolved to be fabulous, and I very nearly was. There was one year when I followed Jenn's model and it worked well for me. I noticed that my feet, hidden in sweaty leather shoes most of the time, were becoming like those of an old man. They were ugly and course, with dry skin and poky, untidy nails. I actually started to trim my toenails every time I did my fingers. I used lotions and moisturizer every week. There are these cool volcanic stones - I'm a man and did not know this before - that, with a little rubbing, will make a fellow's heels as smooth as a baby bottom. I really did this for a whole year. There has been some carry over. Though I don't use the pumice stone like I used to, I do still at least crouch down to wash my feet periodically while showering. But most years I have not been so practical and Jenn like.

This year I tried the Jenn model again. My first goal was to gain a better understanding of Islam. I have actually started, in my way. I am living in a Muslim country. I do not feel comfortable sharing this experience with you yet. It will be a personal voyage. Sorry.

I was also planning to learn more about ancient Egypt. The ancient gods are easy and fun to draw. What could be funnier than a man with the head of a jackal placing a human liver into a jar? People do not tend to get offended by cartoon renderings of Horus or Anubis. In a sense, hieroglyphics are just really cool old cartoons engraved on walls. Hopefully no ancient Egyptian holdouts will ride in on camels to show their displeasure with my humorous renderings of Isis and Ra. Although that would make a pretty good story if they did.

My other practical resolution has been to always take the stairs. I work on the fourth floor. Here it is considered the third floor - another story for another day. Considering the state of elevators around here and my fairly natural fear of plunging to an early death, this resolution is easy to accomplish. The stair climbing coupled with the constant state of near dysentery that I have been experiencing are doing wonders for my girlish figure. My pants are loosening and my calves and buttocks are turning to iron.

You may have noticed that this letter is pretty late, even if you are a celebrant of Chinese New Years. If you want to get technical, most places in India don't celebrate the new year until the middle of April. But, let's be honest. I just looked that up a moment ago. The point is to have positive, workable resolutions. Perhaps next year I'll give up procrastination.